Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
3:18 pm
Fri May 30, 2014

Limericks

Originally published on Sat May 31, 2014 9:15 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lighting Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Red Rocks out of Denver, Colorado, July 10. Also, check out our How to do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian make me eat something I don't want to. This promo is the first I am hearing of this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

SARAH PLATTE: Hi, this is Sarah Platte from New Paris, Indiana.

SAGAL: New Paris, Indiana. Was New Paris - I can only assume this - founded by visionary utopians back when, who said this shall be the new pairs of the New World?

PLATTE: Yes. They were wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK. It went disastrously, horribly wrong. Welcome to the show, Sarah. Bill Kurtis right now is going to perform for you, with his usual verve, three limericks about the week's news with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in the last phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to do it?

PLATTE: Yes.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: In matters of physical tussles, an ape can take 10 Bertrand Russell's. More crosswords we solve as we humans evolve, but the price that we pay is weak...

PLATTE: Muscles.

SAGAL: Yes, muscles.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Ever looked at an ape in the zoo and been jealous of his pecs? Turns out the reason our ape cousins are so much hunkier than we are is because we lost our muscles so our brains could evolve. The bad news, of course, is that at some point, evolution got lost along the way and forgot to keep evolving our brains.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So this study that came out this week that sort of made this claim could just be an excuse from a bunch of weak scientists. Yeah. The reason we have no muscles is because we're so smart. Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

ADAM FELBER: Yeah. That's it.

AMY DICKINSON: Yeah right.

FELBER: That's more attractive anyway.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Without pedals or steering, I'm thriving. All the tech geeks I pass, I'm high-fiving. I just take a seat and pick up my feet 'cause Google is doing the...

PLATTE: Driving.

SAGAL: Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Google introduced the prototype for their self-driving cars this week missing all the traditional parts of a car - steering wheels, gas pedals, breaks, a driver trying to text in an order to Chipotle while talking on the phone. It's all not there. The car is self-guiding. And it's adorable. It's like a puppy with GPS. And it's got tons of hidden features like, if you're low on gas, it'll simply murder you and harvest your body as fuel.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I thought that was GM.

SAGAL: No, no, no.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The difference between GM and Google - GM kills you. Google recycles you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: We throw tantrums and cause some big scenes. Though our rooms are a mess, we live clean. We might fight with our folks, but we don't drink or smoke. We are history's best behaved...

PLATTE: Teens.

SAGAL: Teens, yes.

KURTIS: Teens it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Today's teens are the best behaved on record according to a study from the Centers for Disease Control.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really. They say drug use is down, exercise is up, teen pregnancies are down, and Justin Bieber has aged out of being a teenager so he no longer skews the stats.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: By the way, it's about time the Centers for Disease Control started tracking the spread of teenagers. Remember, though, in the end, only you can prevent teenagers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Sarah do in our quiz?

KURTIS: Those Indiana girls are so smart.

SAGAL: Oh.

KURTIS: Three and 0. Three and 0.

SAGAL: Very well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very well done. Congratulations, Sarah.

PLATTE: Thank you.

SAGAL: You can now be the pride of New Paris.

PLATTE: Yay.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing.

PLATTE: Thank you so much. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.